It’s Ay and I play Ivan Malkovich.
And I have some sad ass news. My wrists and hands have been aching for weeks and I thought it would get better but it hasn’t.
I talked to the admins and we’ve all decided that I’ll be going on an indefinite hiatus until my wrists and hands are relaxed and well cared for. I’ve got so much on my plate and it’s only for the best. Real life comes first; always. This has been an amazing journey and I won’t be dropping out completely. I just need to rest.
I will miss you all incredibly and every last one of you has been immensely important in Ivan’s development as a character and myself as a player. I want to keep in touch just in case something comes up for Ivan while I’m gone and want to run it by you guys. Just because I’m on hiatus doesn’t mean my brain stops working.
Thank you all and you’ve been so amazing these past several months.
I love each and every last one of you.
If any of you have Skype or AIM, please message me on there.
Following a Dream: N.Y.C. to L.A.
A playlist that represents Ivan chasing his dreams all the way out to Los Angeles, California.
- Go The Distance - Roger Bart
- Carry On - Fun.
- Billionaire - Travie McCoy (feat. Bruno Mars)
- Some Nights - Fun.
- Breakaway - Kelly Clarkson
- Wake Me Up - Avicii
- Laughter Lines - Bastille
- Hey Brother - Avicii
SELF-PARAGRAPH: Breakaway - Ivan's Departure
A woman’s voice loudly called out flight number after flight number which left a ringing in Ivan’s ears whenever she stopped talking. He understood that it had to be loud because the airport was incredibly huge but still. What about pagers like they do at restaurants? It’ll startle people and get them to hand it back sooner because those pagers. Man, they were irritating if you didn’t bring it back after a bit.
Looking around him as he held onto the strap of his carry-on, he wondered if this was such a good idea. He had never been anywhere outside of Jersey, Maine, and New York City. He was undoubtably excited but he held that nervousness; the anxiety of getting on that plane and it not landing. He swallowed hard, wiping his forehead and neck from the sweat.
Though, as his left leg started going up and down thanks to his foot moving thanks to his anxiety, he felt a hand on his shoulder and looked to his right and saw the agent that had taken him on. The man smiled to him, showing warmth and encouragement instead of a sleazy grin that seemed mistrusting. No, not a sign of that in the man at all.
"Ivan, buddy…you alright?" He asked, causing Ivan to sigh and feel tears in his eyes. "I’m leaving everyone I love behind." Ivan choked out, trying to keep himself from completely breaking down in the airport.
"Hey, Champ…it’s alright. I did the same thing when I was around your age. Everyone has that fear of never coming back, that everyone will hate you or that you might move on yourself. The best thing to do is to enjoy everything. If you smile and call the ones you love here, you’ll make it out there and still have those you love be as loyal as you are to them." The manager told the singer, causing Ivan to smile sorrowfully.
"What if I don’t end up wanting to come back?"
The manager wrapped his arm around Ivan’s shoulders, pulling him close and roughly kissing his temple before patting his left shoulder a bit. “You’ll want to, trust me. Everyone goes back home because, well, it’s home. You might be leaving now but you’re not leaving for good. You’ll get there, pal. I’ve got your back and just think of me as a man who’s helping you because he knows exactly how you feel.”
Before Ivan could say anything, with his mouth still gaping with non-existent words, the speaker called his flight number and he got up with the manager. As they handed their tickets and boarded the plan, Ivan looked outside of the window where he could still see the skyline of New York. A few tears fell but he couldn’t help but smile. He’d miss everyone…but his manager was right, he’d always come back.
I’ll spread my wings and I’ll learn how to fly
I’ll do what it takes ‘til I touch the sky
And I’ll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won’t forget all the ones that I love
I’ll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
"You’re right, we will. And just imagine how funny that’d look, considering that both of us are tiny and you’re not." She leaned on him, chuckling. "I’ll miss you around here. I’ll have to work with your understudy…"
"My understudy. He’s alright. I’m guessing he’s getting my dressing room, huh?" Ivan said, sighing heavily before looking over to his wardrobe and standing up for a moment. "Which reminds me. I have a gift for you." He told her, opening up the wardrobe and pulling out a large box. Moving it over to her, he placed it in her lap and patted it lightly as he sat back down. If she were to open it, she’d see the very first costume she ever made for him. "I want you to have it…and all of my costumes except my Les Mis and RENT costumes. I’ve got those in storage. The rest are for you because I know you love to keep the pieces you’ve made."
I knew it! I knew you are the best!
Thank you so much for the friendship with Chris. Maybe we couldn’t spend time, but I promise to you, we can travel to LA to see you.
We will wait for you.
But please call before to arrive home if we are naked doing things… that is my plan.
Break a leg! Be happy!
I know it isn’t much, but when I tried coming up with something I could buy you, nothing really felt right. I wanted to let you know that your friendship has meant the world to me. You’ve been like a brother to me, and, even when I wasn’t showing it very well, I adore you. I hope you find everything you’re looking for, and that Cali treats you better than New York has. Remember, this isn’t goodbye, it isn’t forever. It’s “I’ll see you again”.
Love and best wishes,
She had carefully folded the note, slipping it under the ribbon she’d tied around a simple box. While Ivan was inside, surrounded by the rest of the Abbey, she’d managed to sneak his car keys before she slipped outside and carefully tucked the gift into his glove-box. She was back inside before anyone noticed, and had put Ivan’s keys back where she’d lifted them from.
The box had simple paper wrapped around it, “Open when you need a smile” written across the top. Inside the box was a metal flashdrive, shaped as an eighth note, containing several video and audio files. Videos of Ivan, Chris, and Lee, obviously drunk and singing at the top of their lungs. Videos of Ivan practicing on stage, of his best shows. Messages from everyone he’d worked with. Audio files of her favorite songs he’d sang, ones of her singing, one of her threatening to never speak to him again if anyone heard anything with her singing. The last file was a photo she’d conned a bartender into taking of Ivan with Chris and herself, one of the nights they were out at the bar. It was something simple, something that she didn’t have to spend too much money on that could still be special. Something that no one else in the world had.
Ivan had seen the box and had kept it in his carry-on until he got to LAX. In the chauffeured luxury Suburban, Ivan sat in the back with the box in his hand. He didn’t have much to talk about so he slipped his headphones on and slipped in the little USB drive. As he loaded it, he dug through everything and realized the sentimental value of this. All of the videos, the pictures…everything. Ivan started to tear up, his right hand starting to shake as he held in his emotions.
He would miss all of them, especially his sister and brother. Then, as the song came on, Ivan started to curl up on his seat as he listened to the perfect synchronization of both of their voices together. Crying to himself silently, he felt his manager place a hand on his cheek in comfort. God, he’d miss Leona most of all.
"Did I see the performance…is that even a question? Really? When have I ever miss even so much as a practice?" She teased, hopping up on the chaise with a grin. "Do me a favor when you’re out there? Don’t let the fame go to your head. You’ve already got an ego big enough for all of New York," she teased.
Ivan laughed, wrapping an arm around her shoulders with a sigh. “You know of all people that I’m a humble man when it comes to my singing. I never think I’m good enough. But I promise you that I won’t let it get to my head. I plan to always invite at least one of you to a red carpet premiere or an after party. If people tell me otherwise, I’ll tell them that they can go fuck themselves. You’re my sister and Chris is my brother. You’re family to me and I love my family. I’ll never let it get to my head, the fame I mean, because I know both of you will kick my ass.”
[Jack was seeing the moto when he listened Ivan’s words] Wait! [He knew he didn’t say all.] Ivan, you never will be other person than you are. Don’t forget. You can hide, you can act, and I am sure you are an amazing actor, but faking doesn’t change you. Remember that, you are who you are. [He offered his hand] Expect news from me in LA. The training isn’t over.
((Ivan halted, turning back and jogging back into the office. Shaking the man’s hand, he smiled brightly before nodding to him.)) I won’t forget that, Jack! I promise. I’ll remember that I’ll always be who I am despite my career. I won’t let my work define me as a person but I feel like I’ll find myself in this. And I’ll keep an ear out for you. I’ll see you in L.A.
Oh please Ivan, batteries? [Jack took the toy and opened it] Wait and see. [He began to work on the device, he wasn’t an expert on genius ability but this was easy. After he finished, he put the moto on the floor and began to play with it] No batteries, all ability. Everything is useful, remember the lesson. And you have an excellent taste… Is a shame I discover that in this moment. About my age… you can’t believe it if I told you, but I am really old.
((He could see the ability he was talking about and that left Ivan with a bright smile on his face. He used it for fun from time to time from what Ivan could tell…and that made him feel a bit better. The man wasn’t completely serious a hundred percent of the time and it was refreshing. Standing up and smiling, he moved to Jack and gave him a warm and tight hug.)) Thank you, Jack. I’ll remember all you’ve taught me and we’ll be in touch. Take care. ((He pulled back, smiling to Jack with nod before picking up the bag and heading out of the man’s office. Ivan closed the door behind him, wiping at his eyes and realizing how much he’d miss the detective. He had grown so close to Jack and to know that Ivan was leaving him behind, it hurt him. But, in all fairness, Ivan wanted to take this chance…and make the Original proud.))
RC? Ivan, you should tell that to me in the first moment. [He began to open the box and saw the toy. He laughed more, even he had problems to talk. Toys… his memory traveled for all time remembering all kind of things.] I don’t know what to say… You make me feel like a child… and do you know how old I am?
Unless you have batteries in your office, it’s not going to work. ((He told him with a laugh, moving to grab the instructions as the man opened the box.)) I love RC cars. It’s one of the few hobbies I had once I had my own place and some money. I used to drive my neighbors nuts in the halls when I drove mine around. But no, I have no idea how old you are.